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Sooner fashionista - page 3

Sooner Fashionista: Show up in anything and you have outdressed ‘Cock couture

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Well, hola, mi amigos?  ¿Que pasa? Hai pasado un pescado. ¿Dónde está el baño? 

I took Spanish in high school and have not forgotten a word.  Why do I bring it up now, on the verge of a visit to South Carolina?  Because, me fashion beauties, after much research I have to ask “Que Pasa” when it comes to fashion in that neck of the backwoods.

I wracked my fashion filled brain to remember even an utterance in any of the top fashion mags about how the folks down south like to present themselves. 

South Carolina is not known for its Chicness nor its knowledge of En Vogue down “that-away” as the locals say. After a meeting with top designers, namely a scroll through Google, I found that the “Game Cocks” (excuse my crudeness of phrase)  of South Carolina are not trend savvy.  Wonder of wonders. 

In fact, I found that the four items of clothing that are needed for fashion completeness are, and I quote, “A T-shirt, a sundress, a vest or pullover and, get ready for this, a hat”.  So basically if you go anywhere and you’re not nude, you’re a trendy fashionista.

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Texas — the cow of chaotic clothing

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Hola, my fellow fashionistas! Welcome to my weekly stroll down the Sooner Catwalk of unmitigated fashion wins. Always in shades of Crimson and Cream and NEVER in any shade of orange. This week our Model’s Horse Stomp down the runway brings us to the Cotton Bowl in Texas,

Aw, Texas, Texas…. Though I have wracked my fashion filled noodle year after year to tear you from your love of that wretched burnt orange, you have not once heeded my advice. Why must you vex me so? But this year is different. I can no longer waste a moment upon your blind fashion no-no’s.

This year I say, “No more. I am done with thee thou cow of chaotic clothing, thou losers of the lousy lingerie.” This week instead, I will talk about one of my favorite subjects: how to dress your pets as stylish sooner fans.

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Fashionista: What the Voles (sic) are bringin’

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Howdy do, my gawgeous Sooner Fashionistas! So glad to be back with you this wonderful weekend when we are going to discuss down home, country and western, Dollywood loving Knoxville, TN, that “scruffy little city” that is home to the Tennessee Voles, the cute little mammal that oft gets confused with a mole.

They do present just the most adorable little mascot!

Your Madame Fashionista has done her research of the fashion down Knoxville way and come to this very unfortunate conclusion: bony knees and high, bleach blonde, coiffed hair are the look.

Though this latter fad is fine when Auntie Dolly tries it, she is the ONLY one that should make that attempt. The knobby knees make an appearance when torn jeans with holes right over the patella are worn. Though the fashion is crude, you shouldn’t judge. That’s my job, of course.

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