Sage advice from our Sooner fashion advisor
Hello, Fellow Fashionistas! Greetings from the Country of Crimson and Cream.
While we are still floating triumphantly, adrift on a glorious sea consisting of destroyed dreams and hopes, in the hideous hue of burnt orange, we must consider upcoming contests and the fashion opportunities and flopportunities they offer.
The first resounding fashion “YES” that we find here afloat on our Sooner Schooner (the ship, not the wagon because, for the love of all that’s holy think of the horses!), is the magnificent golden chapeau that now belongs to our beloved Bevo-beating boys.
This looks good on everyone of the Sooner persuasion and you will get no complaints from me. Moving on.
Let us address now, ladies and gentlemen, the foam finger. That staple of many sporting challenges.
This avant-garde-loving lady would like to know who, in there ever lovin’ mind, thought these were a good idea? Enormous hands with extended forefingers proclaiming #1 upon them in poor quality paint that fit in no way, within any seat of any sporting event.
They have been known to flip hats from gentlemen’s heads, upend corn dogs from hapless children’s grips and, in one case I know, lead to a shot gun wedding between two ill-suited people after said finger accidentally crept up the skirt of an unsuspecting young lady.
The marriage thankfully ended after only two children and four years. I do wonder if they sued the maker of this foul foam fixture at a later date.
This leads to a very sensible fashion rule. One that can be set to verse for easier memorization:
If the finger extends past your seat,
You may your future partner meet.
Keep your foam within your space
Lest someone punch you in the face.
‘Nuff said.
– Melissa D.
Sooner Fashionista
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