Episode 12:
The end of the season: Was it all just a dream?
Last we saw of our Capeless Crusader, he was attempting to unseat an orange-hued squatter that had overtaken his Crimson Cave of Comfort.
As he sits outside the Secret Sanctuary that has safeguarded him securely low these many years, he wonders just how things could have come to this? How could this year get any worse?!
Just as this thought crosses his brain, there’s a loud crack of thunder from the darkening sky! Seemingly from nowhere, a tall figure suddenly stands before him, a wide-brimmed bolero hat on his head and a red cape whipping about him in the wind that has just appeared.
“Say your prayers, Sooner-scum,” the figure sneers villianously, “For I am your worst nightmare! I am… El Bandido Rojo!”
“The Red Bandaid? Gross.”
“No! The Red Raider! And I brought a few of my Amigos!”
Creeping out from behind Soonerguy’s swarthy adversary comes every villain that our undaunted darling has encountered in the last… oh, let’s say twelve weeks.
And to make matters worse, at that moment it begins to rain. The sky opens up as though it were upchucking after a rough weekend of tailgating!
“You’ve got to be kidding,” our hero cries into the churning sky.
A single rain drop falls on the tip of his nose. He wipes it away. It lands there again. Though he continues to wipe it away, it keeps returning. He shuts his eyes against the daunting task before him. The world swirls around him and slowly but surely he awakens to a new reality…
Opening his eyes, he sees that the raindrop on his nose is really his faithful friend, Sooner-Dog, licking his face repeatedly.
Cautiously, he looks around and realizes he’s in a bed. Could this be real? Has he really just been asleep this whole time?
“Could it all have been a dream, boy?” he asks his canine companion in the soft moonlight streaming through a window.
He hears the sound of a shower running somewhere in another room.
“Has this all been a nightmare? Oh, Sooner-Dog, I’m sorry I ever went looking for adventure this season. If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than the East Coast in the SEC backyard. Because if it isn’t there… then I never really lost it to begin with,” he sighs patting the poodle on the head.
At that moment a light overhead flickers on. Soonerguy becomes cognizant that this isn’t his bedroom in the Sooner Cave! He doesn’t recognize this room at all! He starts as he realizes someone else shares the bed with him besides Sooner-Dog. There’s someone lying next to him. The figure rolls over towards him.
Soonerguy cries out, “Bob Newhart?!”
As soon as his startled question has left the air, the shower sound ceases and Patrick Ewing strides in with a towel around his waist.
Soonerguy sits up in bed, a scream wrenched from his throat. But this still isn’t the cozy comfort of the Sooner Cave! This entire scene has been taking place in a snow globe being shaken by none other than… Nick Saban!
Is this truly the end of our noble hero?
Can it really have all been just a dream and he can forget everything that happened in the last… oh, let’s say twelve weeks?
Is this really just a cop out for lazy writing for a series they had no idea how to end?
Find out next time in “Let’s SEC What Happens Next” or “Cliffhanger? I Don’t Even Know Her!”
Follow